Anon: A woman's clitoris has twice as many nerves as the tip of a man's penis, why is it so damn hard to make them come?
Jermain: Because its all in the mind, they need foreplay and romance. It's like asking why you can't come if you're jerked off by another man.
Mantik: Jermain! You look old and and you're bolding
Jermain: We havent met in MONTHS and this is the first thing you've got to say?
Jermain: No,I'm not giving you the telephone number of that girl.
Mohammad: Oh common man! You gotta give it!
Jermain: Nope, I'm sorry, what can I say?
Mohammad: 06-...
[21:39] EggEater21: 18 mb= at least 3 to 4 hours of dl
[21:39] AimIsTotallyCrap: errr
[21:39] AimIsTotallyCrap: 4kb/s
[21:39] EggEater21: you realize that 56k does not mean
[21:40] EggEater21: 56 Kbits
[21:40] AimIsTotallyCrap: your mom is a 3 hour dl
[21:40] AimIsTotallyCrap: :-9
[21:40] EggEater21: lol
[21:40] EggEater21: apparently I heard that you have a very quick extraction time
[21:40] AimIsTotallyCrap: well I can extract the code quickly
[21:40] AimIsTotallyCrap: but then the process is hours long
[21:41] EggEater21: interesting
[21:42] EggEater21: for such a small executable
[21:42] EggEater21: to take so long
[21:48] AimIsTotallyCrap: well you know trojans
[21:48] AimIsTotallyCrap: small at first
[21:48] AimIsTotallyCrap: huuuuuuuge by the end
Mike: let's play vanilla?
Jacob: was playing a very noob game
Jacob: dammit I cant
Jacob: my cd is at home
Jacob: home is an hour away
Mike: um
Jacob: I'm not driving home
Mike: but
Mike: you just said you were playing...
Mike: you can play vanilla on your bw cd, newb
Jacob: no
Jacob: no you cant
Mike: yes you can
Jacob: hang on lemme see
Mike: JESUS [censored] CHRIST
Mike: OMFG
Mike: WHAT THE [censored]
Jacob: ....ooops?
Mike: JESUS [censored]
FS: "And if your compuer doesn't work, dont spend 6 hours near tears, instead just put the IDE ribbon in the right way."
[10:48] KafkaesquePariah: If you can't masturbate next to a friend over SC2.
[10:48] KafkaesquePariah: What's this world coming to.
I'm sorry, Scott, we forgot to mention that during your absence you were
kicked out of the admin team. You will have to pass through the
initiation ritual again...
"As democracy is perfected, the Office of President represents, more and
more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious
day, the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last
and the White House wil be adorned by a downright moron."
-H.L. Mencken (1880-1956)
Laurens: "If bukkake is so healthy why isn't there a McBukkake out there?"
Jermain: "Thats because McDonalds only has one clown."
Laurens: "The cliniclowns come to mind,.."
Bahija: "He and I meet at the toilets a lot."
Jermain: "*Gasp* But didn't you have a boyfriend?"
Bahija: "Yeah but we have a deal: What happens in the toilets STAYS in the toilets."
Collegue: *shows picture of a girl on the web*
Jermain: "Whats up with that pic? Err,.. I'd give her a 5"
Collegue: "I'll tell her you said that when she gets home."
Jermain: "Thats your daughter?"
WTF? new jenga 9/11 memorial twin pack comes with a little plane to push the blocks out
Farvision: "Let's put it another way. The argument here is: "I am ignorant. Therefore god exists." The first statement is true! The second statement does not follow!"
Mandy: We kunnen ook met de fiets gaan in plaats van met de bus
Jermain: Is goed, dan neem ik je wel achterop. Op de fiets dan..
Mandy: Haha! Is ook goed.
Jermain: Ook? ;)
Bahija: "Zal ik rijles volgen bij pijpers? Ik heb daar namelijk heel goeie ervaringen mee"
Jermain: "Hehehe, btw this place has imacs instead of pc's, and i always wanted to try them.
Now i discovered its a bit like anal sex, you might ponder it at some moment in your life, but you should never really go for it..."
Doug: "Huh? Ponder but not do? Ain't nothin' wrong with tappin' that once in a while if you have someone who's willing ;)"
TM: "Once again it's up to Doug to remind us all of the bar that is set by his fiery manhood. B)"
*Waiting for the bus...*
Jermain: "Oh nog maar 2 minuten en dan komt hij, of nee, 1 zelf!"
5 seconds later Mandy: " ss "
Jermain: "...zelfs..."
Mike: "See, the problem with that sentence is that I have a fuzzy monitor
therefore I misread election for erection."
FS: "Let's not confuse selective reading and favoritism with the fuzzy monitors now."
Rise: "Ole, could you return my password please?"
*1 hour later*
Rise: "Ole, you're a piece of [censored]. It's really [censored] lame that you mess with my real life contacts. Now I have to explain to all these people that I'm not a [censored] freak."
Ole: ":D I regret nothing!"
Ole: "Do you often compare the women you meet with me?"
Jermain: "Only when it comes to the sex ;)"
Doug: "I hate to be the voice of dissent, but that picture is kind of gay"
Jermain: "That better meant as in gay, happy, jolly, joyful
Well it's just a one time thing so it doesnt really matter hehe. Next time you'll see mee with a didgeridoo in my mouth while i'm wearing nothing but a loins cloth. Let's see how gay that is xD"
Doug: "'didgeridoo' Is that Australian for 'man member'? o.O"
Jermain: "well, it's big and tubular, but unlike your strap on it's a musical instrument"
Doug: "The only reason I have a strap-on is because your mom likes a little DP action from time to time."
Dis: "Her personality gives me an erection."
calling in sick at work
Jermain: Hello?
Colleague: Hello this is [name]
J: I called to let you know that im sick
C: Aww,.. we're really dissapointed in you. Not that we had any respect for you to start with,.. but still..
J: Yeah whatever
T3: I'm not "balding" you freaking assclown.. i'm bald.
Colleague: Lets hook Jermain up via a dating site ^^
Jermain: No..
C: You like dark?
J: No.
C: Want me to find you an asian?
J: No!
C: I think there was a pretty hot girl here just now..
J: Who? I mean.. NO!
Colleague: Who was that?
Jermain: Yab Yum (famous Dutch whorehouse)
C: Oh, what did they want?
J: They canceled his reservations for tonight.
Anon: "I realized, I'm not ugly.
There's so many people in our world who are uglier then me, and I'm thankful for that."
- So what did you want for christmas? I didn't get you anything :/
- It's okay, just being here with you is enough for me..
- Oh that's so sweet of you!
- Allright! I scored some points!
- I heared that!
- Err.. i was only joking honey :|
*Christmas decorations at work*
Anon: "The decoration Jermain just did is the most worthless thing I've ever seen!"
Jermain: ?
Jermain: "You don't look in the mirror very often do you?"
*At the elevator, 07.00h hrs*
Jermain:"Ha! I pushed the button first!"
Rosita:"Thats the wrong button!" *hits right button*
Rosita:"HAHAHAHAHA!"
Rosita:"Oops i laughed to loud, but that was a laugh of VICTORY!"
Maple Story
AoiSakura:"Anyone need processed wood?"
...
AoiSakura:"Hehe.. I got wood ;)"
Krystalia:"I know that Blue, you allready told me about that."
AoiSakurah:"True, we've been all over it havent we? :P"
Jenny:"Oh, I'm early today. I'm only 5 minutes late."
Jermain: Is imaginary money an accepted currency in the american monetary system?
Ole: I don't think so..
Jermain: Guess i won't come to the US with you next year :(
BornSlippy (TA):
"I think Jacob is under the mistaken impression that a strap-on is an excuse for manhood."
Disruptor (TA):
"It happened to be the laptop I bought from O2. After countless attempts it became clear to me that the computer was unfunctionable due to the massive amount of "gay porn querying" conducted on it by the previous owner.."
[11:56] MacrossZerg: i really could not imagine you making friends with people who make accounts called
[11:56] MacrossZerg: XxXcutiepiegirl1988
[11:57] MacrossZerg: or something
[11:57] Born)Slippy: yeah
[11:57] MacrossZerg: :p
[11:57] Born)Slippy: I'm not that desperate yet
[11:57] Born)Slippy: when I'm 40 maybe
[11:57] Born)Slippy: and still a virgin
[11:57] MacrossZerg: heh
[11:57] MacrossZerg: same here
[11:57] Born)Slippy: but then
[11:57] Born)Slippy: I would be afraid of running into you
[11:57] Born)Slippy: with one of those account names
[11:57] MacrossZerg: rofl
[11:57] MacrossZerg: hahahahahahaha
[11:57] Born)Slippy: which would be, you know
[11:57] Born)Slippy: rather embarrasing
[11:57] Born)Slippy: because we wouldn't know
[11:58] Born)Slippy: before we agree to meet up
[11:58] MacrossZerg: hihihi your a funny guy, hey wanna meet lol ;) xxx
[11:58] Born)Slippy: somewhere in Europe
[11:58] Born)Slippy: yeah let's meet in ... Prague
[11:58] Born)Slippy: and we see each other and we
[11:58] Born)Slippy: 're like
[11:58] Born)Slippy: wtf
[11:58] Born)Slippy: dude
[11:58] MacrossZerg: lol
[11:58] MacrossZerg: its you?
[11:58] Born)Slippy: this is just wrong
[11:58] Born)Slippy: let's never talk about this
[11:58] Born)Slippy: to anyone
[11:58] MacrossZerg: ever
Disruptor: "Nah, i don't feel ya on that one Slippy. The only reason they get paid that much is cuz the people love them, and it's the fan's money, so if people love what these people are doing so much, and value it as quality entertainment, it's deserved. Don't let the sour grapes getcha."
BornSlippy: "*unzips* Do you feel this?"
From the Declaration of Revocation by John Cleese
"The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies)."
Paul: "With a little make-up you can even make Jermain look hot."
Mandy: "Jermain: Ook al zie ik je nu heel weinig, ik vond het echt gezellig op zomerkampin 2004. Het was vast minder leuk als jij er niet was geweest, ik was echt blij dat ik mee was gegaan. Ik leerde je daar kennen en hoop dat we contact zullen blijven houden. Ook dit jaar gingen we naar zomerkamp en hadden we het alweer gezellig, vooral bij het kampvuur op dinsdag =D Ik heb me echt een ongeluk gelachen met jou, hoop je zo snel weer te zien ;)"
Manterions: "I remember when you first joined TK and started to post, and post, and post, and post.. You just didn't want to stop did you . I like TK I think he is very cool and a very valid member of this community. His zerg has improved immensely. I remember you showing me a thing or two with the usage of queens . I also enjoyed the many times we have exchanged music. Btw I have a couple more for you to wet your pallet. Send me an IM sometime."
Oxy: "I was playing hard to get."
(forgot): "STFU,you'll sleep with any guy that has a motel room and a bucket of curly fries."
Jenny: "Is there something you wanna do with Natasha?" (setting up a get together among friends)
Jermain: "..."
Jenny: "Whats with that look, thats not what i meant!!"
Jermain: "Thats not what i was thinking!!"
Anon (Deviant Art):
lol! Well last night he actually drew it out a lot longer... maybe he read my mind or something, but he just switched it up enough to actually make a huge difference. (Held his member in the right place to drive me crazy, haha.) I actually felt really horny! It was amazing, lol. It also made me realize just how little we've actually been exploring lately.
Jermain: "Threesomes are overrated, thats all i have to say"
Natasja: "Voordeel van rechtvaardigheid? Dat hij niet ongedingest zijn dinges kan doen."
Anon: "I hate that kind of people, it makes we wanna give them a flying kick to the face.
But i can't do that anymore because I'm christian now.."
Anon1: "So in theory it would be possible to get syfillis in your ear?"
Anon2: "But sex wouldn't be fun that way would it?"
Trunks and Soto(Comic):
"This isn't porn, this is a 3 frame loop."
TigaV (Defiant Art):
"More boring and statistical than webstats for a pokemon site."
Bladed-Truth (Deviant Art):
Ah being stuck in the friendship rut. It is a real bastard.
It's sort of like this:
Imagine you're going to a job interview, the company says to you, "Well, you have all the qualifications and qualities we're looking for, but we're not going to hire you, we will instead hire some-one far less qualified and is probably an alchoholic. And when that doesn't work out (And it won't) we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. We will however call you from time to time to complain about the guy we hired."
Lawrence: "Make sure you bring along a towel to summercamp"
Leslie: "What?"
Jermain: "Yeah,.. it's to initiate you into the group."
Lawrence: "You might need some dancing moves too."
Leslie: "Okay, new you guys are scaring me.."
Private Part: "Private Part reporting for duty sir!"
Hipstomp: "Stand down soldier,.. stand down"
Oxy: "It's time you shifted your sexual preferences to humans."
Joost:"English people? Nothing but a bunch of inbred island inhabitants."
Dionne: "But if you don't come to summer camp, who's gonna run up and down beneath my window?"
Jermain: "[Colleague] is working very well for as far as can be expected from someone with his capabilities."
anon2: "Your layout's decent."
anon1: "Whatabout Jermain?"
anon2: "Jermain is an amature."
anon1: "But he has flash."
anon2: "Makes no difference."
Anon: "How can you guys find her attractive?"
Jermain: "Well.. she has breasts, a hole and a heartbeat."
Colleague1: "I didn't know the application could do that."
Colleague2: "It's a non documented secret feature."
Anon: "Wow look at her ass she's hot... but.. her face isn't something to be proud of.."
Mrs. Lillian: "Xennophan really likes to talk about her adventures and happenings"
- Xennophan is my brother..
Marco: "Keep it up and I'm gonna give you an Ong Bak treatment."
Anon: "Quickly get of the bus before it
explodes."
Mantik: "..analysatie"
Jermain: ".. Azisch land"
Jermain: "Whoever doesn't clean up has to answer to Gordon's Kung Fu teacher!"
Marco: "Hey whatabout the girls?"
Jermain: "They have to answer to *****'s mom"
Marco: Wow! Thats even worse!
*watching t.v.*
Rick: "Damn look at those muscles of that guy."
Gabriel: "Look at those vains on his muscles man"
Natascha: "I don't find it sexy when a man has THAT big muscles ><"
Jermain: "Like what? You prefer a beer belly? :D"
Rick: "A beer belly with those vains on the surface"
Mantik: "I wanna learn Japanese so i can watch Naruto
without the subtitles!"
Jermain: "If you were big and fat, you'd be a big fat
loser."
Jermain: "What are they doing in the toilet so long?"
Marco: "Dunno, do you think maybe they're...?"
Jermain: "Nah he wouldn't do that."
Marco: "Oh so SHE would?"
Jermain: "No no! I just meant that if he tried he'd fail, but she could pull it off if she wanted to."
Marco: "Ahaaa!"
*After 48 hrs of not sleeping*
Mom: "Jermain, keep an eye on the meat, i'm gonna be out for a
while."
Jermain: "Ngh?"
Mom: "The meat. M-e-a-t."
Jermain: "Ngh.."
*3 hrs later*
Mom: "Jermain you burnt the meat! I knew i shouldn't have
trusted you!"
Jermain: "Ngh..."
Anon: "Just because i gained a few pounds doesn't mean i can't count anymore"
Ashwin: "Mike-achu, I choose you!"
Mike: "Jermainsaur, use your poison powder!"
Anon: "The pope's death was an april 1st joke?"
Anon: "I don't want a high maintenance bitch
She'll only screw you harder then you can you can screw her."
Bryant: "Dishwasher"
*Once upon a time in highschool*
Kani: "Jermain! Your eye, it's.. it's bleeding."
Jermain: "What? OMFG!" *Runs out of class*
*Comes back*
Jermain: "My eye isn't bleeding."
Kani: "I know :D"
Kani: "Is this font okay?"
Jermain: "I think you should use Verdana, it's more bussiness like and makes a professional impression. I use it all the
time"
Kani: (...)
Jermain: "What?"
Kani: "This IS Verdana"
Kani: "I can't think of a delay for my website.
(...) I mean layout. I should play less Gunbound."
Unknown: "I'm not stupid, I just do stupid things"
Jermain: "Dude, look at the viscosity of this milk."
Kani: "It's yoghurt.."
Jermain: "... oh"
Jermain: "Hey, wanna take pictures?"
Jenny: "Yeah that's a good idea! Did you bring your camera?"
Jermain: "No."
Reduan: "What i have against free fighting? I don't like the thought of some guy chewing on my throat while he's squeezing my nuts."
Lawrence: "Jermain look, new people! Go make them feel comfortable!"
"You wanna bring down the storm? Now reap the whirlwind."
- SC Ghost
Douglas:"If theres grass on the field, play
ball!"
*On the phone*
Jermain: "I'm gonna hang up i need to go to the toilet :o"
Jenny: "You don't need to hang up, just use one hand"
Kani: "I always made fun of it but i was glad to be there for you back then."
Jermain: "Ofcourse you were, I made your book report on 'Farewell to Arms' for you."
Kani: "Yeah.. I got a 4 for that report.."
Jermain: (...)
Bryant: 'Sim dating' is the most pathetic game ever. But i
did finish it.
Anon: Suffering all your life only for a cunt...
Jermain: "I remember when i was a little kid i cried when Old Yeller died.."
Jenny: "You mean you were a sissy even back then?"
"Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to.
Relax. Slip away." Tool
Kani: "Okay, here's the plan. Aim at me with a sniper gun, if i say something wrong pull the trigger."
"If you encourage the elderly to take a walk with this weather they'll slip and die and then euthanasia will be less of an issue."
"I wonder why i werent creeped out by you when we first met."
Sherrif:"You mean 200 men against Rambo is a lost cause? I don't think so."
Colonel:"With that said, remember one thing."
Sherrif:"What?"
Colonel:"A good supply of body bags."
English teacher: "I think in a few minutes I'll go home eat my dog and beat up my girlfriend."
"Maarre, wees braaf, ik kom over een paar weken om je te domineren! YES! Wat een mooi woord!"
"Blijven we dan vrienden? Goeie vrienden? Hele goeie vrienden? Hele hele goeie vrienden? Hele hele hele.."
Chogs_User: "Team Areola homosexual comments are unmatched by any forum community in history."
Ashwin: must get t-shirt: "If you read this, you're dead sexy."
Jermain: "And a trenchcoat you can fling open"
*Ole has just told Jermain about the lotion episode with
Martine*
Ole: "I wonder what treatment Marius gets."
Jermain: "He gets the full package. I guess you got the demo version."
Ole: I am the diplomatics mastah
Jermain: diplomatics mastah? If it werent for you
Jermain: Bin Laden woulda been a gardener
Ole: and pacifist
Ole: look
Ole: it was his fault, okay?
Ole: I didn't do anything
Ole: he started it
Jermain: yea sure
Jermain: He went from flower arranging to making bombs 1 hour after you tried to convince him into moving his parked car
Ole: it was my damn parking space
Ole: do you know how hard it is finding parking in Afghanistan?
Jermain: dude
Jermain: its 98% desert
Jermain: its not like you drove a mercedes,.. its a mountain bike
Ole: god, I don't even know why I try
Ole: you're Dutch, what do you know?
Jermain: i know that a Jihad should not evolve around parking space
Ole: and why is that, mr. know it all?
Jermain: well
Jermain: Jihads should be saved for importnt stuff
Ole: parking spaces in Afghanistan is important!
Ole: "Well, there's a few good things about being single."
Jermain: "High APM?"
- APM = actions per minute, a way of measuring hand speed in Starcraft
"Hoe diep moet je een tampon dan erin steken?"
- "How deep does a girl have to stick in a tampon?" Thats the reply i got from Jenny for claiming to know a lot about women.
Btw, if anyone knows the answer, mail me :D
Ole: "Your an idoit"
Bert Meenderman: "Hmm.. hier staat er 'excelent student', das niet slecht."
"Als je niet weet wat je verkeerd gedaan hebt ga ik je het
ook niet zeggen!"
- If you don't know what you did wrong, I'm not gonna tell you! Jenny actually said this to me once back in high school.
Women can be such enigma's...
"Onze assessor was heel aardig en vond ons rapport erg goed."
Claire, telling me how nice our assessor was 1 week before he practically jumped over his desk to give me a dragon kick. He told her the project we did was good, but told me it was poorly written and i was lucky to get my points.
"Word has it he has one of those 'social lifes' we hear about."
Anon: "En toen zei ik.. Zullen we neuken?"
- When i accidently overheared a conversation of a friend.
Kani: "Zullen we lopen?"
- Kani suggesting we walk almost 2 hours instead of taking the bus for 15 minutes. Ofcourse we walked..
"Vandaag is monnikendag"
Jermain: Ole i made a website and guess what my domain is?
Ole: "www.noenglishgrammar.com?"
"Msai"
- Ho-Ming's mom asked in chinese if i shouldn't greet her after i came in. I mistook it for "Do you want to eat?" and replied with "Msai.", which means something like "I don't have to."
"Maar misschien zijn poesjes wel heel erg lekker."
- While discussing the edibility of kittens with Mandy, I stupidly said that maybe pussy's taste pretty good.
"Je bent net een soldaat die geknield drinkt."
- Ho-Ming using some chinese proverb to explain how i don't stand out because i don't seize opportunities enough.